‘Twas the night before deer season and all through the house,
I lay in bed snoring, along with my spouse.
The battery socks were hung by the chimney with care,
The boots and hunting clothes, just thrown in a chair.
License and stamps affixed to the back,
In hopes of a buck with a rather large rack.
The scouting was done; the stands were all set,
The only problem was rain; it would get me all wet!
When from the alarm clock there arose such a sound,
As the display flashed 4:30, it’s time to hit the ground.
Clawing my way up the tree to the stand
In the rain and the dark–Oh boy! It was grand!
The dawn finally came, and with it, the wind;
Such fun and enjoyment, it must be a sin.
Then what to my sleep-filled eyes should appear?
A huge set of antlers attached to a deer!
The scope was all sighted; the rifle was ready,
Please, Lord, no buck fever; let my hand remain steady.
My heart was now beating so hard in my chest,
I thought I was experiencing cardiac arrest.
He was trailing a doe, his upper lip curled,
Testing the wind, like a black flag unfurled.
He was snorting and wheezing, just raising a fuss,
I was trying to keep cool in spite of the cuss.
As dry leaves will crunch in the chill autumn cool,
When crushed underfoot by some clumsy fool.
So closer and closer this bruiser he snuck,
Never presenting a good shot, O! Drat the luck!
And then, in a twinkling, and just for an instance,
Blaze orange movement, from a hunter in the distance.
Then from closer in, I heard a gun sound,
The doe took off, in great leaping bounds!
Oh no! I thought, thinking the buck would soon follow,
But then, when I looked, he was still down in the hollow.
Stealthily through the brush the monster deer crept.
Oh, no! The scope was rain fogged! I could have wept.
His antler tips – how they glistened! His rack was so huge!
He shook the rain from his body in the November deluge.
Then at last the scope cleared, the crosshairs were set,
The trigger was pulled and the bullet was sent.
Oh no! The bullet went high, right over his back,
The buck disappeared…along with his rack.
But his tail I saw waving ‘ere he ran out of sight,
I missed him? Crap! It’ll have to be pizza again tonight!